After a brief consultation, Dr. Awkward Inappropriate orders a colonoscopy because he wasn’t satisfied with any of my responses. He simply couldn’t put his finger on the issue. Boy, there are all sorts of jokes that could be made here, but then this would quickly degrade into a post of dirty jokes and toilet humor. Instead let’s go into what led to my meltdown, brief as it were.
I was scheduled to have my scope after our return from our State of the Companies meeting in L.A. For those of you who have never had to have a colonoscopy, let me tell you that it really is a piece of cake. Scope dope is awesome and you probably won’t remember any of it. The prep on the other hand…well, let’s just say that I think we could gain some valuable intel if it was allowed to be used for interrogation.
Ooh, what’s this? They have flavored Fleet preps so maybe this won’t be so bad. Let’s see, I like lemon-lime sodas. I think I’ll try that one. Believe me when I tell you IT’S A LIE!!! There is absolutely NOTHING that they can do to disguise the horrendous taste of oceanwater in your mouth. There’s a reason those preps are no longer used! OK, I believe that this was really why doctors have switched to other preps, but the 1.5 ounces still haunt me to this day.
Onward! It took a while for the prep to take effect, but once it did, I wish I had this setup in our bathroom. I had curtains, not a shower bar, and the towel rack was just too far away. I’ve since learned that babies get the good products (Desitin and babywipes) and that’s where I’ve got to go to save me from what my hubby has referred to as “raw ass.”
It’s now just before midnight, I’m exhausted, and I’m starving. The perfect conditions for me to become absolutely unglued. I came to the realization that I was precisely one week early. As I disintegrated into a sobbing mess, Eddie put two and two together and tried to console me. I stammered out that I couldn’t do this again the very next week and that was the beginning of Eddie’s many heroic efforts. He promised to call as soon as the office was open in the morning to see if they could work me into their schedule since I had already done the prep. They happened to have a last minute cancellation at the exact same time that I was scheduled for one week later. I don’t know if you believe in divine intervention or coincidences – I was overjoyed. My hero!