Seeing Me

I see you looking at me.

Chemo has made me tired, and you worry.

You think I don’t notice when you peek at me over the couch,

Watching to see if I’ve fallen asleep on you again.

 

I see you looking at me.

As I dance in the kitchen, singing along with my favorite country songs.

You peek around the corner so I don’t stop.

I’ve taught you how to celebrate being silly and having fun with life.

 

I see you looking at me.

You’ve tucked me into bed because you know I love your kisses goodnight.

You hold me close, and I sigh deeply with content.

And then you thoughtfully push me away so you don’t snore in my ear.

 

I see you looking at me.

As I make my way around the arena,

I proudly sit on horseback, showing you what I have learned.

You have given me the gift of freedom from all my worries.

 

I see you looking at me.

The way you look at me.

You love me without abandon.

You see me.

 

I’ve never written a poem as an adult, but these words just came together for me.  Tonight Eddie and I celebrated 18 years of dating.  People ask us all the time how we do it.  How is it possible that we work together and spend just about 24/7 with each other?  Honestly we’ve never stopped dating.  But still, how can we be so in love that we miss each other like kids in puppy love whenever we are apart?  I wish I could tell you.

What I can tell you is that he makes me laugh every single day.  Sometimes it’s a giggle, sometimes it’s a snort-laugh, and sometimes it’s an all-out laugh until I can’t breathe.

Eddie makes me feel beautiful. When I wrinkle my nose because I’m self-conscious about what I’m wearing or because my make-up looks uneven, I look over at him and he is wearing the look of a guy who can’t believe that I am his.  It’s the same look I saw as I walked down the aisle on our wedding day.

He tells me how much he loves me not only with his words, but through his actions.  Knowing that horseback riding lessons have been on my bucket list for ages, he simply made it happen.  He looks on with happiness at my giddiness towards every lesson that I get to take, celebrating each step with me as I work towards learning how to jump.

I feel how proud he is of me in all my accomplishments.  There is no ego between us.  We each think the other is smarter, faster, stronger.  There is no doubt that we are equals and partners in every way.  But really, I couldn’t do half of what I do without his endless support.

So instead of trying to figure out how all this is possible, I’m going to just enjoy that it is.  I love you Eddie Gallagher.

 

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